The Musings of a Dying Espada
by liian risera
Summary: Grimmjow is pondering the strange happenings of his life as he lays "dying" after the assault with Nnoitra. T for language Grimmjow-style.


**Yeah, poor Grim is just laying on the floors of Hueco Mundo...I'm sure his defeat really hurt him. What is he thinking now? T for swearing Grimmjow-style.**

**WARNING! SPOILER ALERT! IF YOU HAVE NOT READ BEYOND CHAPTER 346 YOU WILL GET A NASTY SPOILER!!! But I don't think it's that bad.  
**

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Fuck.

I'm dying.

Why am I so weak? Heck, there've been tons of "why"s in my life. Why did that shinigami brat step in to save me? Why did my fraccion have to die? Why did I think I could defeat the Fourth when I can't even scratch the Fifth? How come I still had my memories when I...

But...most of all...._why did we ever join Aizen_-_"sama"_?

That shinigami....that _Ichigo..._I really hated him. I still do. He's my enemy. I'm his enemy. For us to be fighting to the death one minute....and then for him to be _saving _me from that bastard Nnoitra...who is he? It ain't natural to save your enemy. Geez, that brat pisses me off. _"Sorry Grimmjow....it seems....that I'm not allowed to get hurt any further...." _Who does he think he is? He....he thinks that I'm too weak to...I'm stronger! I am the King! I am stronger than him!

_And yet we were defeated._

Shut up. I know. And I really hate myself it, for being so fuckin' WEAK! Too weak to be there when D. Roy, Edrad, Ylfordt, Shawlong, Nakeem....Heh. Whatever. They think I'm some heartless bloodthirsty killer. And I am. Let them think that. But just 'cuz I'm like that doesn't mean I'm emotionless. I have honor. And I felt a sense of loss. Heck no, it didn't affect me that...much...I mean! I'm not like Ulquiorra, hell no. Tch.

...

I-I kind of wish...they didn't...

Pah. Shinigami bastards.

And that _Ulquiorra._ If there had to be one thing I hate, it's gotta be those who look down on me. I am...the King! I will not...I WILL NOT LET YOU LOOK AT ME LIKE...TRASH! I CAN DEFEAT HIM! I...I...I WILL!

_Heh, don't set your hopes so far, baka. You're in no position to be fighting anyone. You nearly got killed by the Fifth, fool._

So what? I heard Aizen talking about someone....some guy who kept saying stuff like...

_"There are two types of fights. The fight for life, and the fight for pride. Never interfere in a fight for pride. Because, what kind of life would you lead if you had no pride to uphold it?" _

This will be a fight for pride! I don't give a damn if I die in it! Aizen—

Shut up about that bastard. Hah! Why did we ever follow him? "A fearless man is a light in the darkness for us hollows"? Yeah? Well, I hate to admit it, but everyone in Hueco Mundo is living in fear. Fear of displeasing him...fear of death...fear of things worse than death...

Aizen is a liar. He promised Aaroniero a painless life. Yeah, well, I sensed a while ago....his screams, his death. I've learned, never trust someone who betrayed their former organization. He could easily betray you as well.

Too late.

Yeah, I'm gonna beat the living shit outta that guy.

_But you're too weak to. We're already dying...._

I told you already! I don't care if I die! I don't care if...

Remember that one guy? That one guy I killed...it was...a while ago.

**FLASHBACK TIME!!! :D  


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**

Somewhere in a forest.....

_A man bleeding from several wounds, panting and gasping for breath, holds a katana with visible effort. Blood flows over one eye, blocking half of his vision. He trembles, yet he stands firm. A woman and a child cower behind him, wide-eyed and frightened. A younger Grimmjow, a mere numeros at the time, is unmarked from any wounds. He sneers at the dying man._

_"Hey! Idiot human! Why don't you just throw down that excuse of a sword and die in peace? You know full well you can't even scratch me!"_

_"I...know....that!" He charges blindly at the Arrancar, swinging the blade madly, missing as Grimmjow sidesteps easily. _

_"So why don't you quit? Heh, don't worry, I'll send your wife and brat with you soon after! Send all of you to nonexistence!" He almost lazily swipes at the man again, giving him a fresh injury._

_"I...know I'm dying!.....So....I might as....well....MAKE MYSELF USEFUL!" The human seems to get new energy from somewhere. He swings the blade with renewed strength, raining blow after blow at Grimmjow, though most of them miss. __"EVEN IN DEATH! I...WON'T LET YOU! KILL THEM!" At this he slashes down at Grimmjow, nicking through his Hierro. He falls to the ground, shaking._

_Grimmjow looks at his chest, where a thin line of blood is dripping out of a scratch. He stares down at the man with flat, cold eyes and grins. _

_"...Is that so...?" _

_A blade flashes down in the moonlight. A child's cry sounds. A woman is heard weeping in the woods.

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**END FLASHBACK!!! :D**

Yeah. That one human. I don't care to remember what he looks like, or what his name was. I killed him. But...his resolve....his will....it really amazed me. It still does.

I spared his wife and kid. I just...killed him and left. Was that when I first really thought about this kind of stuff? I mean...for him to die for his cause...if I had killed those other two...he would have died in vain. I really....respect that kind of person.

_Look at you, Grimmjow! Nnoitra must have destroyed your brain cells or something! You've gone soft._

Yeah. Maybe I have.

Even from here...I can sense Ulquiorra and that shinigami's reiatsus. They're fighting. And it looks like Ichigo's getting the crap beaten out of him. Really. So he thinks he can beat Schiffer as well? When he barely defeated me? Hah. Loser.

....That kid's gonna die soon. Ulquiorra....has a power that the rest of us...don't have...yet. He's used it too...

Should I go help him?

_Hey, Grimmjow. We're dying, remember? Not like a dying weakling will be able to do anything._

Oh yeah? Hah....since I'm dying already...I...

...I might as well make myself useful....even in death....right?

_I...yeah...._

Let's go, Pantera.

_- the end -_

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**Whaddaya think? This is my first "deep" fanfic. Comments extremely appreciated :D  
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